


Resistance of Change

by BlackVelvet42



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Christmas, Dominance, Dubious Consent, Established Relationship, F/M, First Time, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Resolved Sexual Tension, Sex on her ready room desk, Shameless Smut, Stripping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-12 21:37:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9091729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackVelvet42/pseuds/BlackVelvet42
Summary: "You know what the problem is about being the highest ranking Starfleet officer in the quadrant?"





	

”If you can’t stand the heat, Mr. Kim!” Kathryn barked at the poor Ensign, trying his best but failing all over again. The ship shuddered violently. "Now! Get it done already!" Her roar echoed, whipping every person on the bridge. Attempting to gather precious elements for their long journey home, Voyager was maneuvering through a particularly nasty region filled with asteroids and energy distortions and seamlessly coordinated teamwork was required. Chakotay knew Harry was more than capable of performing the task given, but his confidence was fragile and the pressure Kathryn was putting on him wasn’t making the damn job any easier. He might have discreetly pointed this to her but she’d been edgy for weeks and he didn’t want the situation to escalate. Heavy silence fell over the bridge, her words lingering, poisoning the air. Harry faltered, red in the face to the tips of his ears, but finally succeeded, letting out a sigh of relief. Chakotay was happy for him, he pulled it off in a tight spot and hoped Kathryn would acknowledge it. No such luck. Her voice was ice. “Mr. Kim, take your incompetence out of my bridge. Go read a book or something, make yourself useful.” She’d been unreasonable before, but this was demeaning and just cruel. Chakotay could hear Tom draw a sharp breath and even Tuvok stiffen at his station. “Yes?” she dared anyone to object. Not a sound or move was made, and Harry retreated into the lift humiliated and broken. “Commander, you have the bridge,” she stated heading to her ready room, leaving the stunned atmosphere for him to deal with.

The transition had been so gradual that he couldn't pinpoint whether it was weeks or months lasting. Today's scene was just the tip of the iceberg and should have surprised no one. She'd become irritated and short-tempered, her words sharp to bite those unfortunate enough to cross her path in the wrong moment. She rarely attended social gatherings anymore and due to the way she was implementing her leadership she wasn't missed. She still accompanied him on weekly dinners, but they were short and all business. Gone were the moments of Kathryn relaxing on his couch, telling stories and enjoying his, sharing laughs and valuing their pleasant togetherness. She was quickly distancing herself from everyone and wrecking the frail harmony they had managed to build in this uncharted part of the galaxy. He rationalized there was some piece he was missing. She was out of character by all he could tell, but he couldn't think of any incident, any hurt she might have hid. He'd brought up the issue twice but met with total ignorance and denial that left him thinking maybe he did imagine it, everyone had their weak moments after all. But the next day or week her attitude kicked up another notch. Speaking to Tuvok was a dead end as well. He was loyal and confident in her capability to captain the ship and reluctant to analyze his superior beyond that. Bit by bit he'd become aware of the glances thrown at her direction, the manner in which rooms seemed empty when she was around, and finally questions and worries whispered in corridors as he passed by. He knew this was his responsibility and he had postponed the confrontation long enough, but he simply didn't know how to approach it again. The treatment she had given Harry was not only unjust, needless, and hurtful but also posed a risk to the mission and the ship itself. He nodded to Tuvok and headed towards the Captain's privacy with an uncomfortable feeling that all hell was about to break loose.

“What is it, Commander?" Her tone was sharp and discouraging as she continued studying the PADDs behind her desk. Chakotay stepped closer but giving her space. "Permission to speak freely, Captain?" Perhaps a respectful approach would work. "Denied. Stop wasting my time. What is it?" Or perhaps not. "I feel we need to discuss what just happened on the bridge." He was plunging right into the heart of it. "About Harry?" Well, at least she wasn't pretending she didn't know what this was about. "I really don't care how you feel about that. Harry was performing below the standards of a bridge officer, has been for some time. He had this coming." She took another sip of her coffee and continued reading. He moved closer, trying to make a point. "Don't you think that's a little harsh? It's not like we have a crowd of top-class officers to choose from and Harry's been doing a great job adapting to this new life and new responsibilities. As have all of us." Later, when he thought about this moment, he realized deep down he was just expecting some kind of human response from her, something that would remind him that she was like the rest of them, lost, hurting, needing. He had once been her friend, he was pretty sure of it, and thought he would be the one she would open up to. But her voice was indifferent. "If I need your opinion I will ask for it. And I didn't. And I won't. Dismissed." She turned away from him, ending the discussion. He could feel his temper rising. She was degrading him, emphasizing how little he meant to her both personally and professionally. He turned her around a little rougher than he meant to, throwing protocol to the wind. "Kathryn, stop it! You've been doing this long enough and I won't take it anymore. Look around, you're hurting people. They're confused and they’re scared. They need leadership that binds them together for a shared goal, someone who brings out their strengths, pushes them to their full potential. Not this arbitrary tyranny you're creating!" He realized he'd said far more than he intended, but there was no taking back the words. She stood up and pushed him away, glaring at him with fury. "Who are you to lecture me? This is my ship, my crew, and my goddamn bridge and I will lead however I see fit! Now get the hell out of my office and stay out of my sight!”

All thoughts cleared from his mind and instead came a calm. Dead calm, just before the storm, it randomly crossed his mind. There was no plan, maybe he just wanted to intimidate her, shake her cool exterior. He turned, removed his jacket, and placed it neatly on the chair. "You know what the problem is about being the highest ranking Starfleet officer in the quadrant?" he asked, snatching her combadge and tossing it to the corner. "Just what do you think you're doing, Commander?" she demanded suspiciously, the anger in her voice shaded with uncertainty. He reached for the opening of her jacket. She tried to slap his hands away, but he grasped her wrists and forced them down. "Shh, Kathryn, I'm talking." He removed the garment and threw it away. "The problem is that there's no one to answer to." He pulled the turtleneck from her pants, revealing first sight of her pale skin. She resisted, so instead he removed his own shirt exposing his wide chest and a lush amount of golden skin. "There's no authority to question your decisions, correct you if you stray, and the law, in the end, is yours to bend as you feel." Her breathing had become heavy and uneven, for what, he wasn't sure. "You're so out of line, Commander!“ she growled. ”Shut up, Kathryn. Computer, security lock down on doors, authorization code...“ he began, but was interrupted by her swift override. ”Computer, belay that order!" He grabbed her and pressed his hand over her mouth. "You don't want to do that. If anyone comes in right now your captaincy is over. The rumors will spread faster than light and the last shred of respect they have for you will be gone. I will take command, Kathryn, and no one will object. Now, computer, security lock down on doors, authorization code Chakotay-Gamma-5." He removed his hand, expecting her to knee him or simply call for security, but she did neither. His grin was insolent and he started pulling the shirt over her head while pushing her back towards the desk. "What do you want?" she snapped, eyes flashing with rage and something he didn't dare to name. Letting his gaze sweep over her creamy skin and round breasts filling her bra so wonderfully there was only one thing he could think of. "No," she said firmly, "never." He hesitated, she sounded so determined while her body seemed to be singing a totally different tune, but all the same, he couldn't just pass her expressed will. He began backing off and she spit out with hatred pouring on every word. "You weak, useless piece of Maquis shit! Even if it takes the rest of my life to reach Earth I wouldn't want your disgusting hands on me! Now get the fuck out and hope you're still holding your rank tomorrow!" It was something in the way she'd said it. Too coarse, desperate, out of place. It didn't convince him. "What? I don't turn you on? You're not aroused by this?" How did they end up from Harry to her arousal? His composure seemed to provoke her further. "You would flatter yourself, would you? How many have you already bedded on this ship? Did you have to force each of them? Or did they just spread it for you?" She was ranting, out of her mind, and he observed her closely. He was still holding her tight and bent his head to blow air to her neck, causing her eyes to close and a shiver move throughout her body. Her head fell back and lips parted as he hovered just above her rosy mouth waiting to be kissed. "I tell you what, Kathryn. If you can prove your panties aren't soaked, I'll leave and never bring this up again."

She was pouting, arms folded, chin jutting defiantly, not ready to yield to his perceptive observation. Stubborn and damn sexy but then again she'd always been like that in his eyes. "You want to do it or do I get the honor?" He had a mile-wide smirk on his face, thoroughly enjoying the duel. She didn't move, just stared at him unwavering. Seizing the moment he briefly caressed the curves of her waist and hips, before reaching to undo her pants and kneel in front of her. He held eye contact as he peeled the clothing off, the feel of her firm thighs and the intense look on her face increasing the tightness in his groin. He didn't need to undress her, he could smell her arousal and see the moist fabric. As the damp curls appeared right before his face he moved closer, hungry to taste her, witness her melt under his touch. But she flinched and he thought regretfully maybe later, when she'd beg for it. He got up and lifted her to sit on the edge of her desk. "So, tell me again how you don't want me to take you here and now." He pressed his clothed erection against her wet core, rubbing lightly, drawing a moan from both of them. "You wouldn't," her words still throwing daggers but her voice hoarse and her eyes feverish. He opened his pants pulling his twitching member out and pushed her legs further apart. He started to tease her with his tip, spreading the moisture over her folds again and again, grazing her entrance in sweet torture, until they were both shaking and panting with built up sexual tension just waiting to explode. "I said no, Chakotay," she managed between frustrated, erratic breaths, gripping his arms for balance. "I heard you the first time, Kathryn. Now hold on." With one long thrust he buried himself deep inside her tightness, her inner walls clamping around his length and she let out a surprised cry. There was no grace, no tenderness, no finesse in the way he handled her. He was gripping her hair and her ass, tilting her head back, biting her neck, driving into her with force, and grunting loudly. His climax was approaching fast, but he needed her to come first, wanted it more than his own release, to see her lose control, whimpering, falling apart by him, for him. She had dug her nails deep into his back and pressed her mouth to his shoulder to muffle the feral sounds that were escaping her lips. It wasn't long that he felt her body tighten and her insides starting to clench, milking him, bringing him over the edge. He was still coming down from his high, his foggy existence filled with Kathryn gathered in his arms, soft, warm, and sated, when her venomous voice pierced through. "Are you done?" He blinked, dumbfounded, crushing back to reality. "Then get off of me." He loosened his hold on her, searching her face, now cold and distant. Her body was rigid, she was sitting straight, arms dropped to her sides. There was no evidence of their passionate encounter, only a faint flush coloring her skin, but not the relaxed, content softness after climaxing. A horrendous doubt hit him. She did come, didn't she? She had bit him hard, her body convulsing, or was it his? He couldn't recall, not for sure. Appalled, he pulled out of her, taking a step back, searching her face for a sign, any sign, that his growing suspicion was unwarranted. Unceremoniously she started getting dressed, not giving him another look. He was in shock. He didn't... Or did he? Fragments of the past hour began running through his mind. Him grabbing her, her resisting, him threatening to take over her ship, her saying no, and him, oh god, entering her anyway. He knew he should say something, but nothing seemed enough. He pulled his clothes on in haste, tears burning behind his lids, sickened by himself, and made an escape straight to the lift.

B'Elanna was at her station, all engineering around her busy with the latest repairs and system updates. Seeing him approach she smiled at him and got back to her PADD, greeting him with her usual energy. "What's up, Chief? How can I help?" He came close but said nothing, just lingered in her proximity. She looked up. "Can't be that bad. What is it?" His eyes shifted to her slowly. "I've done something... something..." Taking a closer look he seemed shell shocked. "Chakotay?" She'd never seen him like this and it made her nervous. “I think I raped her,” his blunt words only a whisper. "What?!" She knew without asking who he was talking about and the first thought that crossed her mind was, what had the Captain done this time. His declaration was ridiculous yet he looked dead serious. She glanced around. "Wait, this is not the place." She pushed his feeble frame through a side door to a small room. He just stood there staring blankly at nothing. She'd always known that this perverse relationship of theirs was just a disaster waiting to happen. They flirted like there was no one around and then she would hide behind protocol and he would be the gentleman and in a while they would start all over again. Like a moth to a flame. "Sit down, Chakotay, and start from the beginning," she encouraged him. And so he told her, every embarrassingly intimate detail, and she listened like the good friend she was, although blushing fiercely. It was impossible to separate fact from his own fantasies and fears, his narration blending into a feverish blur of emotions and sensations. She felt hot all over just listening to him and she didn't even want him. "Chakotay, this makes no sense. I know you and I know her. And there is no chance in hell that you took her against her will." He shook his head incredulously, remaining silent. "She's a bitch and you're a teddy bear. She is fully capable of defending herself, she could kick your butt any day." Her humor didn't reach him. "Look, I don't know exactly what happened between the two of you, but this is tearing you apart. Go to her and talk this through." His winced, resisting even the thought. "The sooner the better. You need to do it if nothing else then for this crew. We need you both."

He spent the rest of the day avoiding just about everyone, trying to cope with the whirling flashbacks that made him want to vomit. He turned the events over and over in his mind until the frenzied moments in her ready room had eventually twisted into a violent act he couldn't live with. B'Elanna was right, he needed to face Kathryn soon and take responsibility. Maybe whatever repercussions she found appropriate would help him carry this unbearable guilt. It was past duty hours and the computer informed him she was in her quarters. It surprised him that she let him in. The room was dark and he couldn't really see her face. "Captain, may I have a word with you?" The punch came unexpected, slamming his head to the side. "How dare you treat me like that!" She was enraged, her pride hurt, but her spirit alive and kicking, he noticed in relief. She hit him again and he didn't try to dodge or block it. He'd take anything, he deserved nothing. "You should be on your knees begging for me not to throw you out of the airlock!" she hissed between gritted teeth and spit to his face. He let his knees give out and sank to the floor in front of her, hanging his head in shame and regret. "I'm so, so sorry, Kathryn. I didn't mean to take it that far, I don't understand what happened. I know I can't make it right but please, I swear, nothing like that will ever happen again, and whatever you decide should happen next I will comply with, anything." Seconds felt like minutes as he listened to her heavy breathing somewhere above him, sensed her wrath radiate from her. Suddenly she grabbed his hair in a tight fist, yanking his head back, and her eyes piercing his soul her hoarse voice rasped "Oh yes, you will." She fumbled her pants open, let them drop to the floor and stepped forward, the scent of her arousal and moist warmth again just a breath away. "Finish what you started," she ordered, and despite not having the faintest idea why she would ask for this and a very unnerving feeling that it was not wise, he gladly obeyed. Cautiously he slid his hands up her thighs and moved closer, partly expecting her to pull out a phaser. He parted her legs and pressed his tongue along her clit, drawing an instant moan from her. If this was what she wanted then he was going to make it the best she'd ever had. Ignoring his own growing need he focused on her, studied the flow of signals from her quivering body as he lapped her folds, the vivid sounds she was producing as he drove his tongue deep inside her. She was still grabbing his hair painfully, pressing his mouth on her center, blocking his airways, and he accepted the harsh treatment, he expected nothing more. He wrapped his lips around her swollen nub, sucking and biting lightly, the mix of his saliva and her essence dripping down his chin, and felt she was close. Whether it was especially good for her he didn't know, but it was fast and intense and she came with a long, loud cry. And just as fast, he felt her foot on his chest kicking him away, her husky voice out of breath, "Now get out."

Jerking off in the solitude of his quarters did little to ease the emotional load of the day and sleep avoided him until the early hours. Approaching the bridge for another day at her side he felt anxious nearing panic. But everything was as it had always been, in the beginning of their journey. She was the model of a Starfleet captain, precise in her orders, efficient in her decision making, and completely lacking any sign of affect. In the evening he got a call from her, short and neutral, telling him to report at her quarters. He felt surreal. The world he had known had transformed, its pleasant predictability lost. He had no way of knowing what would happen next and reminded himself that he had willingly relinquished her the right to decide his fate. Her room was again almost dark, like she was hiding, herself, him there, whatever they were doing. She said nothing, but he sensed her anger gone. She opened his pants like it was her prerogative, pulling them only half way down, and pushing him to sit on the couch. He knew he was being used, but watching her strip as the passing stars reflected their glimmering lights on her skin he found he was helpless to control the reactions of his body. By the time she'd undressed he was hard and pulsing, waiting to follow her lead. She straddled him and without anything further slowly lowered herself down onto him, pressing his length inside her to the hilt. The sight of her arrogantly taking him and the overwhelming sensation of her wet heat surrounding him was beyond reason and his arms instantly came around her waist and back, wanting to feel all of her. "Don't touch me", was all she said and he let his arms fall away. She rode him in self-centered passion, eyes closed, not the least bit interested in whom she was with. He knew he was pathetic, but even if didn't mean anything to Kathryn, it meant worlds to him, to witness her seeking satisfaction from his body. So he held himself back, biting his lip, and only when he felt her spasming around him, moaning loudly did he allow his own release.

It was the beginning of a very strange arrangement. She would summon him irregularly, always to her darkened quarters and never in her bedroom. They seldom spoke and she absolutely forbid kissing. She usually kept her upper body clothed, keeping her distance. Sometimes she came fast and hard, and other times, when the day had been trying and he could still feel the burden of duty weighing heavily on her, it took longer. Those times he doubled his efforts and dared to sneak his hands under her shirt, cupping her breasts, kneading them tenderly, and was always rewarded with her shuddering climax he'd come to love. The act was perfected during their weeks together and the needs of his body were fulfilled tenfold. But as the physical gratification peaked, the emotional rift kept getting wider. One night he tried to open discussion, but she rendered him quiet with a sharp order. It was hard to suppress the growing suspicion that whatever they were doing wasn't making things easier but all the more complex and an eventual end was nearing. And if he was honest with himself, he wasn't sure if his heart would make it through intact. He didn't come that time and it was fine with him, but she was puzzled, showing perhaps for the first time some interest in his pleasure. He was getting up to take his leave when she pushed him back to the couch and slid to the floor. It was hard to comprehend, the vision of her bending her head and taking him into her sweet hot mouth, another fantasy coming to reality. His breath was shallow, his mind was spinning, and he couldn't get his eyes off of her. The overwhelming softness of her lips, slick tongue twirling around his throbbing erection, her hand caressing his balls, and just like that, she was sucking him like there was no tomorrow, deep and hard, making his legs shake and toes curl. It was almost impossible to keep his hands away, not to touch her hair, not to press deeper into her mouth. His mind was repeating her name like a mantra or did he moan it out loud, he didn’t know. He came exploding, shooting his cum deep into her throat and she swallowed every hot spurt with ease, gently licking the tip in the end. She left him sitting in shock and went for the shower. The next time he keyed in his access codes at her door he was hopeful that things would be different. But no. She pulled her pants down just enough to expose her middle and bent face down on the table. "Just fuck me," she said with a monotonic voice. He wasn't ready and the sad sight of her didn't provide any stimulation so he stroked himself a couple of times before pressing inside her as she'd told. She closed her eyes and he started to move, but there was no pleasure for either. He soon stopped, realizing the time had come. "I can't do this anymore, Kathryn, I'm sorry."

Days passed, routines of the ship keeping them busy. She appeared more balanced, showing self-restraint and softer command, and he could feel the tension on board ease. She kept mostly to herself just as before, but he could see glimpses of emotions pushing through the calm, controlled demeanor. A sadness pass her features as another hope to reach home faster was crushed, a hasty retreat to her ready room when supplies were denied by another alien species, reddened eyes in the morning revealing hours spent worrying. He could see she was suffering and wanted nothing more than to ease her burden, but feared another confrontation, another rejection. He came up with an idea, better than nothing, and one day he gathered enough courage to ask. If she would join him on the holodeck for some time off, an outdoor scene, nothing too demanding. She looked dubious, words of a courteous denial already forming on her lips. "Just come and take a look. If you don't like it, we can drop it." His voice was pleading, this was the best and only offer he could think of. She seemed to understand the importance of his offer to him and she accepted, although unenthusiastically. It was a reconstruction of a planet they'd visited not long ago, one that struck him with its rough beauty, one he hoped she would have the time to visit. She took one look at the breathtaking heights of the snowy mountains and lush green valleys and he knew she would stay. They walked in silence, pausing to admire the landscapes, breathe in the fresh air, listen to the humming wind and swirling flow of mountain rivers. When their time was up she turned to him, thanked, and called for the exit. Sighing, she stopped and turned her head slightly. "Chakotay, about the incident in my ready room. You didn't force me. I was willing. I was angry mostly to myself for letting it happen. I'm... I'm so sorry about everything. You don't owe me anything." She left, but he stayed a while, the hologrid distorting as tears swell in his eyes. He felt as though a monumental weight had been lifted off his heart and for the first time in weeks he could breathe without hurting.

Another kind of custom began. He would regularly ask her for a walk on the holodeck and she would accept. Hesitant at first, like she didn't understand why, doubting his motives, but more at ease every time. He would take her across the galaxy, seeking sceneries that would please, relax, and strengthen her, make her feel alive in front of nature's endless beauty. She always asked him the name of the planet, but apart from that and a thank you in the end, they rarely spoke. Sometimes he would slow down and let her roam around by herself, enjoying seeing her carefree, making time for herself. Sometimes her small hand would shyly seek his larger one and his heart was full. In every way that really mattered it was more satisfying than their desperate coupling before and on nights like that peaceful sleep found him easily. Then came the day she asked to choose the program and he was delighted. Their shift was stressful and seeing how exhausted she was he suggested maybe delaying a couple of days. But she insisted and though her mood was obviously blue he wished that whatever place she had chosen would brighten her spirit. They entered not an alien planet but the familiar mess hall of Voyager, full of joyous people, celebrating. He quickly recognized the occasion. It was last year when Neelix had got one of his quirky ideas of breathing life into ancient holidays from different cultures, this one being Christmas from Earth. It struck him odd that she would pick this place and time to visit with him. They'd both been there, so much he recalled, and the evening was a success, everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. But the program was strange. All these people they knew and no one would interact with them. They gave way if he moved about, but nobody looked at him or talked to him or acknowledged his existence. It was like being dead among the living. He turned around and saw that Kathryn had stayed behind, watching people smile, laugh, connect. She looked so tiny and fragile, so sad and so alone in the middle of the crowd, and his heart ached. He returned to her, taking her hands. "Maybe something more cheerful?" he prompted gently. She seemed to shake out of her melancholic thoughts and called for another program. The milieu shifted to a cold winter night. They were by the woods, snow falling softly on the plain where a single house was standing, welcoming lights shining from the windows. They walked closer and he realized they were on Earth. "What is this place?" he asked carefully, although he pretty sure knew the answer. "This is Indiana, my mother's house." They reached the porch and she sat down by the window, shivering in the cold air. He followed her gaze inside where a family, her family, was getting ready for Christmas. "That's my sister and her husband, and their children, their youngest is still napping. And that's... my mother." Her voice was shaking just a bit and he looked at her closely. How many times had she visited these settings? What twisted sense of self had made her configure these scenes in the first place? He understood exactly and was pleased that she had decided to show them to him, it couldn't have been easy for her. But enough was enough. He touched her shoulder lightly. "Come on, let's get out. It's cold."

He escorted her back to her quarters. Knowing what was weighing so heavy on her heart didn't make it easy to find a solution, but he would try. He pressed a kiss on her cheek, not really caring if anyone passing by might see, and whispered his goodnight. She touched his chest and looked him in the eyes, her face so vulnerable, so defenceless. "Please, stay," she begged and he nodded, knowing he could not deny her anything, not now, not ever. As the doors slid shut she wrapped her arms around his neck, standing on the tip of her toes, reaching up to his lips. It was a tentative kiss, seeking approval and forgiveness, and he accepted, trying to convey with his touch all the unspoken affection he had for this amazing, complex woman he was finally allowed to hold. In gratitude he welcomed her body flush against his, soft and receptive, and her open mouth, hungry for him. He let his hands wander freely, touching her without boundaries, the way he'd always wanted to, their kisses deepening and growing more urgent. As he felt her insistently tugging at the opening of his jacket he paused to draw breath and stopped her eager hands. "Your bed. And the lights stay on." It was a statement, he wouldn't settle for anything less than her everything. She hesitated, some kind of fear passing her eyes, but took his hand and led him to her bedroom. Despite their previous intimacy he felt like making love to her for the first time, and in the fundamental sense he was. He'd never had the chance to undress her properly so he took his time, removing her clothes one by one from her trembling form, pausing to taste every inch of skin he revealed, marveling its softness and translucent beauty. In the full light he could finally see all of her and didn't try to hide his admiring eyes roaming around her body. "You're staring, Chakotay," she stated, blushing under his attention. "Yes, I am," he said lovingly, "and you're even more beautiful than I imagined." He pulled her into his arms again, in awe of how perfectly her body molded into his. This, this was how she was meant to be loved, thoroughly, with time, savoring every nuance. He took her face between his hands and kissed her forehead, her lids, the side of her mouth, delving past her quivering lips to taste her tongue. He felt her silent tears and kissed them away, stroking her hair and whispering tender words into her ear. He nibbled her earlobe, found the sweet spot on her neck, and marked it for her to discover later. He loved the sounds she was making, the soft moans, the throaty gasps, the groans coming somewhere deep. He licked her shoulders and down, taking her hardened nipple into his mouth to suck and pull the delicate skin with his teeth. He was feasting on her body and she let him, baring herself, granting him power over her, trusting him to treat her better than she had ever treated him. He let his hand slide down to find a pool of heat and stroked the wet, swollen folds, circled the tight nub and feeling her urgency pressed one, then two fingers inside her in a slow, steady rhythm, curling upwards to massage the sensitive flesh on her front wall, making her back arch in pleasure. He watched the myriad of emotion gleaming over her features, her beautiful body wrenching in ecstasy and cherished every incoherent syllable she was making, until he heard the one voice he had waited to hear all this time, his own name passing her lips first as a whisper, then a cry in the peak of her passion. By the time he finally gave in to her pleads and moved between her thighs, pushing himself deep inside her warmth, it was love he saw in her eyes and he knew without a doubt that he would stay with her forever.

It was another get together Neelix had assembled, some Talaxian festival, and Kathryn decided it was time she stopped hiding. Chakotay had offered to accompany her, but she felt this was something she had to do by herself. She took a deep breath and entered the mess hall, full of people already in high spirits. She'd forgotten how different people looked like when they were off duty, dressed up, and feeling festive. She recognized the familiar feeling of isolation settle heavy in her chest, like she didn't belong there, and a strong urge to turn and run but continued slowly forward. People greeted her, some looking surprised but mostly just happy, welcoming faces. Memories washed over her seeing someone she had raised her voice to, another she had humiliated publicly and felt her face redden. How could she have behaved so badly when she was supposed to be their captain? Neelix spotted her soon enough, cutting her train of thought. "Captain, so wonderful to see you! Welcome, and may I wish you a very happy new season!" He offered her a yellow drink and she was thankful for the interruption. "Thank you, Neelix, to you too. What exactly is this festival?" she asked, not because she was particularly interested but because she needed someone easy to talk to. "How nice of you to ask. Let me tell you, this is an ancient tradition of transition, a celebration of eventual change. Like the six seasons in beautiful Talax, all with their own qualities, the good and the bad, but always shifting, reminding us that nothing lasts forever. Now please, Captain, what do you think of the drink?" Being familiar with his cooking she took a careful sip and kept her expression neutral. "It's a really interesting mixture, Neelix, thank you." He looked at her smiling knowingly and excused himself to attend to other incoming guests. She continued her heavy steps and B'Elanna was next to approach. "You're still drinking that stuff?" Kathryn didn't get it. "It's supposed to be disgusting so you'd take the hint and let go of the past and move on to something better. Talaxian inside joke, I think. Just throw it away," B'Elanna said and pointed to some colorful containers on the far table, "I prefer the green one. Tuvok appears to enjoy the pink, although he won't admit it, but he seems to gravitate over there every chance he gets." Kathryn felt a genuine smile and a chuckle rise from deep within. "So, how are you doing?" B'Elanna asked in her direct manner. Rescue came in the form of Tom, with his blue drink and the beaming smile of a hunter. "B'Elanna! How about that dance you promised me last time? Music is starting and... Oh, good evening, Captain!" He straightened his jacket, standing at attention and she sighed mentally. Everyone was so rigid around her but then again that was probably her own fault. B'Elanna was amused. "You know, Tom, I don't recall promising you anything, but I did hear that the blue drink has some aphrodisiac properties." Tom went back to his charming mode, circling around his prey when Kathryn heard Chakotay's soft voice and felt his warmth next to her. "Is he bugging you again, B'El? And what is this awful drink we're supposed to be enjoying?" She turned to him. "It's a symbol of all the things that are wrong in your life, things to leave behind and welcome the change, for everything to become better." She fell quiet feeling everyone listening to her too carefully. “Or so I understood,” she added. They didn't pause in their playful banter that rose from bonding through work and hardship, and she was thankful. Tom fetched them new drinks, the blue ones, and she kept the nature of those drinks to herself. Maybe she'd tell Chakotay later. He stayed close to her all evening as they talked and laughed with most people present. As the heaviness inside her began to ease she found herself tired and eventually called it a night. He offered to walk with her and as they made their way across the room, she took his hand firmly into hers. He looked at her in surprise and she smiled back. They knew someone would see. And since news travelled faster than light they also knew that before morning every person on board would know that their Captain and Commander had finally found each other.


End file.
